Category Archives: Sex

White Evangelical Married Sex is Not a Beautiful Union: The Pride & Profitability of Patriarchy

Sigh. Every time I mention Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta’s book Married Sex in one of my posts, I think, This will be the last time I mention their book. Except, for me, their book has come to encapsulate much of what is wrong with conservative white evangelism, and so I repeatedly find myself coming back to it. This spring, a social media firestorm erupted after The Gospel Coalition (TGC) published an article endorsing Joshua Butler’s new book Beautiful Union. Positioned by TGC’s senior editor Brett McCracken to be the new “protestant magnum opus” on sex, Beautiful Union compares the Holy Spirit to semen, calls the male orgasm a “sacrifice,” pressures women to have obligation sex by shaming them for being “churlish” in the bedroom, and never once mentions the female clitoris. Sigh.

I experienced severe déjà vu as things played out. [My original critique of Thomas & Fileta’s Married Sex can be found here: “Married Sex” Lacks Strong Biblical Exegesis]

Continue reading

Patriarchy: Porn & Purity Culture (and a book plug)

This past month, I’ve been part of a pre-launch group for She Deserves Better. The group dialogue has led me to reflect on my own complex history with purity culture.

I have a complex relationship with purity culture. (Purity culture is a catch-all phrase to describe the popular teachings surrounding dating/sex/marriage in modern white evangelicism). In my teens, I benefited from popular Christian dating books like I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Passion & Purity. I know and understand these books are harmful and have hurt so many people, so please bear with me.

Continue reading

Sex Idol: Where Evangelicals Worship & Women are Sacrificed

In white evangelicism, the fanaticism, money, & extrabiblical rules that revolve around sex scream idol worship and the humanity of women is sacrificed on its altar. The evangelical message that married sex will fulfill you is really no different than the larger culture’s general message that sex with whomever, whenever will fulfill you.

Continue reading

Sexual Healing in the Song of Songs

I wanted to share specific ways I found sexual healing in Scripture as a woman raised in a Christian culture that overwhelming focuses on male sexual desire.

Continue reading

The Prude or Slut Conundrum in Evangelical Spaces

Did God design women to be less sexual than men? Or do we live in a culture that shames women to behave like prudes?

Continue reading

“Married Sex” Lacks Strong Biblical Exegesis

A book review of Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta.
*This article has been updated since originally posted. Last update: 3/21/23

Continue reading